Enduring

It's quiet here on this beautiful Sunday evening. My kids are sleeping soundly, Neil's at work, and I am alone, in my thoughts.

Things have been tiring and emotionally challenging lately. I have wanted so badly to sit and write here on Mylah's blog, do an update of sorts, but all I can think of is that things are going well. Each time someone asks how Mylah is, I reply, "Good, still kind of fussy, but good." I assume my boring response is just due to the fact that I am enduring. Continuing. Living.

I never really let my emotions surface during the long two weeks we spent in the hospital. A defense mechanism I assume. I cried once, when Mylah was having horrible days and nights and we weren't sure what was wrong. Once. Isn't a Mother of a Baby who has endured two open heart surgeries supposed to cry more? Aren't I supposed to be some sort of emotionally unstable? What is going on here?

I have asked myself these questions numerous times, the answer always come back to this. I endure. I don't fall to the floor sobbing and inconsolable. I endure. I hold my head high, I snuggle my sweet heart baby, I love my husband and children, I pray to a loving Father in Heaven with all of my being, I smile, I laugh, I joke, I endure.

In living through the numerous experiences Neil and I have in only six (almost seven) years of marriage, I have learned to just endure. It's all I have. It's all we have. Our relationship is stronger than it's ever been. Our love is deeper. And I thank my Heavenly Father for that. He NEVER sends us anything we can't handle. I am so grateful he knew we could handle what we've been given. I endure because I know there is a reason for all this.

Lately we've endured sleepless nights, crying fits, and aching to find a solution to Mylah's tears. She hasn't quite been herself, and everyone says to give it time, she'll come back. I am slowly seeing that, S-L-O-W-L-Y. She's such a fighter, and never am I frustrated with her. NEVER. This isn't anything she asked upon herself. I don't really blame anyone, I just endure. :)

I am so thankful that through all of our trials Neil and I are able to laugh. We laughed so much, and joked even with our sweet precious heart baby lay healing in the hospital. Insensitive you say?? No, enduring. Laughter was our best medicine and I we are better because we have the smiles and joy to make it through another day.

So here we are, almost four weeks post-op, and things are slowly getting better. The beautiful weather, our small town, our wonderful family and friends, and a precious heart baby's healing body have all helped to make it tolerable. As tired and frustrated as I am, I see a glimmer of hope in the delightful squeals that emerged from Mylah's mouth tonight, in the laughs and smiles. She is starting to feel better and we continue to endure.